Are you looking for some family-friendly funny Halloween jokes for kids? Then you’ve come to the right place!
This list of hilarious kids Halloween jokes has 159 howlers that are bound to get the whole family smiling.
The best Halloween puns and spooky Halloween jokes for kids
Whether it’s funny Halloween sayings, knock knock jokes, or silly Halloween puns you’re after, there’s the perfect Halloween joke here.
All of these Halloween jokes are kid-friendly, and there’s nothing too gruesome, so the whole family can enjoy them. They are frighteningly silly jokes though!
Make sure you check out my list of 100 Halloween quotes for even more Halloween fun.
Funny Halloween jokes for kids
These Halloween puns and Halloween jokes for kids will make you laugh until you’re coffin 😉
Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.
What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which.
How do you turn the lights out on Halloween night? Use the lights witch.
Why did the headless horseman apply to college? He wanted to get ahead in life.
What do you call a skeleton who never does his chores? Lazy bones.
What’s the first thing a black cat does on Halloween? Wake up.
Why did the skeleton quit his job? His heart wasn’t in it.
What kind of dog does a vampire have? A bloodhound.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques.
How do you know a mummy caught a cold? It starts coffin.
What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? A blood orange.
What Halloween monster is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Ghost jokes and ghost puns for spooky season
Give the kids the giggles with these cute ghost jokes and ghost puns.
How does a ghost unlock a door? With a spoo-key.
What’s a ghost’s favourite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a.
What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
What position do ghosts play in football? Ghoul-keeper.
Where do ghosts love to go on holiday? The Boo-hamas.
What’s a ghost’s favourite fairground ride? The roller-ghoster.
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store.
What’s a ghost’s favourite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
How do ghosts keep their hair in place? They use scare spray.
What hobby is great for a girl ghost? Ghoul scouts.
How do ghost musicians learn songs? They read sheet music.
What’s a ghost’s favourite food? Boo-rittos.
Where do ghosts mail letters? The ghost office.
Skeleton jokes and skeleton puns
Who is the most famous skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? It could feel it in it’s bones.
What do skeletons say as they head out to sea? Bone voyage.
What kind of plate do skeletons eat on? Bone china.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
How do skeletons say hello in France? Bonejour.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do French skeletons say before eating their dinner? Bone appetit!
Why can’t skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital? Jawbreakers.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke? Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What is a skeleton’s favourite instrument? A trom-bone.
Witch puns and witch jokes
Got some little witch and wizard fans in the house? These witch puns and witch jokes will get them cackling!
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
What did the tired witch do? She sat down for a spell.
What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates.
Have you heard about the good weather witch? She’s only anticipating sunny spells.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick? She flew off the handle.
Why was the broom late? It over swept.
What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch.
What do you call a fast broomstick? A vroom-stick.
What was the witch’s favourite subject at school? Spell-ing.
Why did the witch give up fortune-telling? She saw no future in it.
What do you learn in witch school? Spelling.
What is a witch’s favourite fairground ride? The scary-go-round.
How do you make a witch scratch? By taking away the ‘w’.
What happened to the witch who was naughty at school? She was ex-spelled.
What does a witch get when she’s in a hotel? Broom service.
Pumpkin puns and pumpkin jokes
Enjoy some jack-o-lantern japes with these jokes about pumpkins. Check out my bumper list of pumpkin puns too.
What’s a pumpkin’s favourite sport? Squash.
Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road? It had no guts.
What do you get if you divide the diameter of a pumpkin by its circumference? Pumpkin pi.
Who helps little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a chubby Jack-o-Lantern? A plumpkin.
Why do pumpkins sit outside people’s houses? They have no hands to knock on the door.
What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd.
Why are jack-o-lanterns so forgetful? Because they’re empty-headed.
Where do pumpkins hold their meetings? The gourd room.
What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver? Cut it out.
What do you call a sporty pumpkin? A jock o’ lantern.
Vampire jokes and vampire puns
Ready for some blood curdling humour? Enjoy these silly vampire jokes and vampire puns at your Halloween party.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a sheep? Drac-Ewe-La.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
Why did count Dracula fail at Art? He was only able to draw blood.
What is a vampire’s favourite fruit? Neck-tarines.
When a vampire is ill, how can you tell? By how much he’s coffin.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What exams to vampires take? Blood tests.
Where do vampires keep their money? In a blood bank.
What ships do vampires like to sail in? Blood vessels.
Why don’t vampires wear makeup? Because they can’t see their reflection.
Where does Dracula usually take a bath? In a bat tub.
Why do vampires refuse to bet on horses? Because of their inability to handle the stakes.
Why doesn’t Dracula attack chickens? Because chickens have fowl blood.
What was Dracula’s favourite subject in college? Ac-count-ing.
Bat puns and bat jokes
These bat jokes and bat puns will leave you in a flap…
What animal is best at cricket? A bat.
Why did the bat want to get a job? She was fed up of hanging around.
What is the only thing smarter than a talking bat? A spelling bee.
What’s a baby bat’s favourite food? A tasty bowl of alpha-bat soup.
Who does the famous bat get letters from? His fang club.
What is the best way to hold a bat? By its handle.
What’s the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
Why do bats live in caves? Because they rock!
What kind of bat can do a back flip? An acro-bat.
Where do bats sleep? In the bat cave.
Why are bats good at fighting? They’re trained in com-bat.
How do bats manage to fly without bumping into each other? They use their wing mirrors.
What do you call a bat who gets charged up to fly? A battery.
What did a mummy bat say to her naughty son? You bat boy!
Zombie jokes and zombie puns
These zombie jokes and zombie puns are a no-brainer for Halloween fun.
What bread do zombies usually eat? Whole brain.
What does a vegan zombie eat? Grains.
Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
What would you call an undead cheese? Zom-brie.
Why do many zombies go to sleep early? They are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie in pyjamas? The sleepwalking dead.
Why are zombies so good at videogames? Dead-ication.
Where do zombies live? On a dead end street.
Who did the zombie take to the dance? His ghoul-friend.
Spider puns and spider jokes
Spin a web of giggles with these spider jokes and spider puns.
Why did the teenage spider get into trouble with his mum? He spent too much time on the web.
What did the spider say to the fly? Buzz off.
Why are spiders so unproductive? Because they hang out on the web all day.
What does annoying a spider do? Drives it up the wall.
What’s the most common career choice among spiders? Web development.
Why don’t spiders go to school? Because they learn everything on the web.
What did the spider do with her new car? She took it out for a spin.
What do you call spiders who just got married? Newlywebs.
Why do spiders usually get jobs in tech? Most of them are already competent web developers.
What do you call a special agent spider? A Spy-der.
How do spiders communicate? The world wide web.
More funny jokes for Halloween
Get the spooky giggles with even more funny Halloween jokes and Halloween puns.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo hooing.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
How do vampires start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
What was the chicken ghost’s name? Poultrygeist.
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit.
Halloween dad jokes
How about some Halloween dad jokes to make the kids cringe? These corny Halloween jokes will definitely do the trick.
Why don’t skeletons like Halloween candy? They don’t have the stomach for it.
What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? Necks please.
What did the bat say to the teacher who returned after missing a day of school? Welcome bat.
Where does a vampire go to have a shower? They go to the batroom.
What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet.
How did the zombie become great at trick or treating? Dead-ication.
What did the vampire doctor say to his patient? You need more iron.
What do you call a zombie that speaks two languages? Zombilingual.
How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick or treating? They use vanishing cream.
What is a baby ghost’s favorite game to play on Halloween? Peek-a-boo.
How does Dracula keep fit? By playing batminton.
What did the vampire’s mum say when he shouted at her? Young man, you need to watch your battitude.
Why didn’t anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.
What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? Booberries.
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.
Halloween knock-knock jokes
You can’t beat a classic Halloween knock knock joke. Here are a few of our favourites.
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you can’t guess who it is!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just a trick or treater!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch way to the Halloween candy?
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Jack. Jack who? Jack-o’-Lantern!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice scream every time I see a scary pumpkin!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Frank. Frank who? Frankenstein!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
Knock Knock, Who’s there? Twick. Twick who? Twick or tweet!
Even more silly Halloween jokes for kids
Not had enough yet? Here are a few more of the best Halloween jokes for kids and Halloween puns to finish things off.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do bony people use to get into their homes? Skeleton keys!
What do you call a barking pumpkin? A gourd dog.
Why did Dracula study maths at college? Because he loves to count.
What is it called when ghosts commit a robbery? A polterheist.
Why didn’t the skeleton eat spicy food? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What’s a ghost’s favourite game? Hide and Shriek.
What happens if you eat too much pumpkin? You get autumn-y ache.
Why do skeletons like to drink milk? Because milk is so good for the bones.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a ghost? A peck-a-boo.
What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone.
How do pumpkins greet each other? Happy Hollowing!
Tell us your favourite Halloween jokes for kids!
I hope this roundup of children’s Halloween jokes and Halloween puns has given you lots of spooky laughs. Do share your favourite kid-friendly trick-or-treat jokes, Halloween humour and spooky jokes in the comments if they’re not on the list.
More family-friendly jokes
I’ve got lots of other jokes and puns posts for you to explore:
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Author: Sam Hughes