Welcome to a bumper list of vegetable puns and vegetable jokes!
There are 130 jokes about vegetables and vegetable puns to explore here. As well as raising a smile, they make great captions for veggie-themed pictures on social media (make sure you take a look at my nature hashtags lists too).
The best vegetable jokes and vegetable puns
If you’re interested in all things humorous on a vegetable theme, this is the list for you. There are enough family-friendly veggie jokes and veggie puns here to fill an entire vegetable patch!
Use them as photo captions, in greetings cards, and in texts – or simply let them put a smile on your face.
Bean puns & bean jokes
There are so many bean puns to have fun with! Here are some favourites.
Bean there, done that
Let it bean
Bean thinking about you
Where have you bean all my life?
Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean a while since I saw you.
What do you call a retired vegetable? A has bean.
What’s the quickest vegetable? A runner bean.
Which type of vegetable always gets jealous? A green bean.
What do you call beans that have been in the sun too long? Baked beans.
Carrot puns & carrot jokes
Looking for a funny carrot joke or carrot puns? Here are some silly jokes about carrots.
I don’t carrot all
Keep calm and carrot on
Which martial art are vegetables good at? Carrotee.
What do carrots like to drink? Root beer.
Why did the carrot go to the hairdressers? Its roots were showing.
Broccoli puns & broccoli jokes
How about some funny broccoli puns to tempt the kids to eat their greens?
A laughing stalk
Broc’ n’ Roll
What do you get if you cross broccoli with a vampire? Count Broccula.
Why is broccoli a royal vegetable? It has crowns.
What did the robber broccoli say to the robber cauliflower while making their getaway? Floret!
Cauliflower puns & cauliflower jokes
Still on a floret theme, we have some seriously silly cauliflower puns.
What’s the difference between broccoli and cauliflower? Cauliflower is just broccoli that’s seen a ghost.
What type of flower shouldn’t be put in a vase? A cauliflower.
If you’ve got four cauliflowers in one hand, and six cabbages in the other hand, what do you have? Big hands.
What do you call a cauliflower that’s growing at the edge of the garden? A border cauli.
Why did the bee buy a phone? To cauliflower.
Salad puns & salad jokes
These funny salad puns and jokes about salad will make healthy eating more of a giggle.
Time to celery-brate
You look radishing
What do salad veg say on their birthday? Lettuce celebrate!
Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in and you’ll find out.
Why did the cucumber get angry? Because it was in a pickle.
What vegetable grows in basements? Cellar-y.
What’s small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish.
Why did the gardener turn down a job at the vegetable farm? The celery was unacceptable.
Tomato puns and tomato jokes
Enjoy some more salad-themed silliness with these tomato puns and tomato jokes.
I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
How do you mend a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
What did the mummy tomato say to the baby tomato when she was dawdling? Ketchup.
Where do tomatoes go on a date? The salad bar.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it walked in on the salad dressing.
What did the tomato say to his friends when he had to stay behind at school? I’ll ketchup with you later.
Lettuce puns & lettuce jokes
There are lots more salad puns in this roundup of fun jokes about lettuce.
Lettuce turnip the beet
What’s a gardener’s favourite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Why should you never float a boat in the salad? Because it might hit an iceberg.
What’s an astronaut’s favourite type of lettuce? Rocket.
Onion puns & onion jokes
Make their eyes water with these onion jokes.
That’s shallot of onions
Why do onions live underground? Because they have many lairs.
What do you call an onion that jumps up and down? A spring onion.
Why did the woman start crying when her boyfriend proposed? Because he gave her an onion ring.
What do you call an onion that’s small and laughs a lot? A tickled onion.
Beet puns and beetroot jokes
Don’t miss a beet with these beet puns and beetroot jokes.
Just beet it
Don’t beet around the bush
My heart skipped a beet
Don’t stop the beetroot
Don’t miss a beet
What new plant did the gardener sow? Beets me.
Pea puns & pea jokes
Need to distract the kids while they eat their veggies? Try some pea puns.
Peas and quiet
Make it snap-pea
Peas don’t go
Give peas a chance
A real peas of work
I know a pea that’s a famous singer. He’s a VIP.
What’s a librarian’s favourite vegetable? Quiet peas.
What do you get when two peas have a fight? Black-eyed peas.
Potato puns and potato jokes
Spud you like some jokes about potatoes with your dinner? Of course you would!
I think, therefore I yam
I yam so impressed
Taters gonna tate
I yam what I yam
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Why do potatoes fall out with each other? Because they can’t see eye to eye.
Why is it hard to get angry with a yam? Because they’re such sweet potatoes.
What do you call a stolen spud? A hot potato.
Kale puns & kale jokes
Kale isn’t just for smoothies – you can use it to make kale puns too.
Don’t kale my vibe
Ha ha! You kale me
Dressed to kale
Kale-ing it today
What do you call a Disney movie about vegetables? A fairy kale.
Did you hear about the carrot that outran the rabbit? He lived to tell the kale.
Turnip puns & turnip jokes
Turnip the laughter with these turnip puns.
That’s a turnip for the books
Is there a turnip ahead?
Turnip the volume
What’s a gardener’s favourite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Why couldn’t the turnip go to the party? It was grounded.
Corn puns & corn jokes
Get corny with these groan-worthy corn puns.
Music to my ears
What did the baby corn call his dad? Popcorn.
I buy vegetables for my girlfriend every Valentine’s Day. She thinks it’s corny.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a vegetable garden? Because the corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans-talk.
Mushroom puns & mushroom jokes
Raise some laughs with these mushroom puns.
I don’t need mush-room
That’s in spore taste
Why do mushrooms always get invited to parties? Because they’re such fungis.
What do you call a speedy fungus? A mush-vroom.
How do mushrooms clean their houses? With a mush-broom.
What sound does a mushroom’s car make? Shroom, shroom.
Pumpkin puns & pumpkin jokes
I’ve got a whole blog post on pumpkin jokes and pumpkin puns which is perfect for Halloween giggles. Here are a few of my favourites.
Let’s get the party pumpkin
Gourd vibes only
Let’s pumpkin spice things up
What did the queasy pumpkin say? I don’t feel so gourd.
What’s a pumpkin’s favourite sport? Squash.
Herb puns & herb jokes
Add some flavour to the funnies with these herb puns.
Eat, drink and be rosemary
That’s sage advice
Parsley the test
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I just don’t have the thyme
Never a dill moment
We’re mint to be
Bay-leaf in yourself
Herb your enthusiasm
Good chives only
More fun veggie puns
A little chilli
Red pepper day
Don’t be chilli
Egg-plant a kiss
Going into un-chard-ed territory
You pepper believe it
Olive you so much
Silly veggie jokes
What vegetable is always cold? A chilli.
Why was the artichoke feeling sad? Its heart was broken.
What’s a plumber’s favourite vegetable? Leeks.
Is a jalapeño hot? No, it’s actually a little chilli.
What’s a baby chick’s favourite vegetable? An egg-plant.
There was once a girl that only ate plants. You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
What is the strongest vegetable? A muscle sprout.
Even more family-friendly vegetable jokes
Which vegetable did Noah leave off the ark? The leek.
What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
Which vegetable do elephants like? Squash.
I wasn’t all that interested in growing vegetables, but I planted a few seeds and it grew on me.
What’s green and goes to camp? A brussels scout.
How did the gardener mend his trousers? With a vegetable patch.
Tell us your favourite vegetable puns and funny vegetable jokes!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this list of funny vegetable puns and vegetable jokes. If your favourite vegetable pun isn’t here, pop it in the comments for us all to enjoy.
More family-friendly jokes and puns
As well as vegetable puns, I’ve got lots of other great lists of jokes and puns to enjoy.
And if you’d like some more inspiration on a nature theme, my series of posts on nature quotes and nature captions, garden quotes, quotes about sunflowers, waterfall quotes and flower quotes will definitely come in handy.
More family friendly nature resources
If you’re a fan of exploring nature with the kids, you might like to take a look at my book *A Year of Nature Craft & Play. It’s full of low-cost, accessible nature play ideas to keep little ones busy all year round.
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