90 hiss-terical snake puns and snake jokes for family fun
Ready to hiss with laughter? This collection of snake jokes and puns is full of slithery silliness and clever wordplay that’s perfect for all ages.
The best snake jokes and snake puns
Whether you’re a reptile fan or just in the mood for some lighthearted fun, these family-friendly zingers are sure to charm you!
Funny snake jokes
Why is it hard to fool a snake? It has no legs to pull.
What do you call a snake with a great personality? A snake charmer.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake? A jump rope.
What do snakes do when they get angry? They throw hissy fits.
What do you call a snake that bakes? A pie-thon.
What type of snake can do sums in the dark? A night adder.
What do you call a snake that builds things? A boa constructor.
What type of coffee do snakes drink? Hiss-presso.
Why don’t you need to weigh a snake? Because they have their own scales.
How does a snake practice archery? With a boa and arrow.
What type of snake do you find on cars? Windscreen vipers.
Why do snakes always measure in inches? Because they don’t have feet.
What do you call an important English snake? Sir Pent.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.
What should you do if you find a giant snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.
Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang? Because it will always come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes with a cupboard of food? Snakes and Larders.
More great jokes about snakes
What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin.
What’s a snake’s favourite sport? Boa-ling.
What’s a snake’s favourite dance? The Mamba.
What’s a snake’s second favourite dance? The snake, rattle, and roll.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a snake? A boar constrictor.
Why can you always trust snakes? Because they’re armless.
What do you call a snake that’s just shed its own skin? Snaked.
What’s a snake’s favourite author? William Snakespeare.
What’s a snake’s favourite music genre? Hiss-Hop.
What’s a snake’s favourite board game? Snakes and Ladders.
Why are snakes so good at playing cards? Because they can’t lose a hand.
Why did St Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? Because it was too far to walk.
How do you make a baby snake cry? Take away its rattle.
How did the snake propose to his girlfriend? With a diamondback ring.
What’s multicoloured and pretty but also capable of crushing you? A rainbowa constrictor.
How do you do a deal in the jungle? You snake on it.
What type of snake does a baby like to play with? A rattlesnake.
What did the python say to the viper? “I’ve got a crush on you!”
What do you get when you cross pasta with a snake? Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork.
Brilliant snake jokes for kids
Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssside.
What’s a snake’s favourite vegetable? Coily-flower.
Why did the snake go to school? He wanted to teach hiss-tory.
What goes “hith, hith”? A snake that’s bitten its tongue.
What did the mummy snake give her baby? A goodnight hiss.
Why did Woody have to wear trainers? Because there was a snake in his boot.
What do you call a funny snake? Hiss-terical.
Why can’t a snake rob a bank? Because they are unarmed.
What do snakes use to cut paper? Scissss-ors.
What kind of snake is good at maths? An adder.
What do snakes say when they want peace and quiet? “Ssssss!”
How do you measure a snake? In inches – they don’t have any feet.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang letters.
What did the mummy snake say to the baby snake when it had a cold? “Please viper your nose.”
What type of shoes do snakes like best? Snakers.
What’s a snake’s favourite subject? Hiss-tory.
Snake dad jokes
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Why was the snake chasing the mouse? Because it adder stuff.
What do you call a snake who works for the government? A Civil Serpent.
In which river will you find the most snakes? Hiss-issippi.
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 metres long? A pi-thon.
What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa. (more basketball jokes here)
What do you call a snake on a roller skate? An aspiring lizard.
Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?” Patient: “It looked like an angry rope.”
What do married snakes have on their bath towels? Hiss and Herss.
What do you get if you cross a snake with a plane? A Boeing Constrictor.
What do you call a French pineapple snake? Ananas-conda.
Why was the snake angry with the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you get if you cross a serpent with a trumpet? A snake in the brass.
What make of car does a snake drive? An ana-Honda.
A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
The best funny snake puns
Snake a look at this
Snake it ’til you make it
Snake it or leave it
Snake eyes
This is snaking too long
That’s hiss-terical
Throwing a hissy fit
Hiss and tell
Hiss-trionics
All snakes and sizes
It’s all gone pear-snaked
Get into snake
Bent out of snake
The snake of things to come
Fangs, but no fangs
You’re asp-lutely amazing
Let’s snake on it
Snake it off
I’ve got a crush on you
Goodnight hiss
One last snake pun…
A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff…. Baa-dum-sss!
And that’s the end of our snake jokes and puns – we hope they brought a smile to your face and a little hiss-terical fun to your day!
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